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Hey - just like Squishy and Never, I got a forum. Come on over and add your two cents on today's question: Do you have dorky stories from elementary school? Or add your own new question.

I got some good responses about the rhyming names thing yesterday: two such couples are Aaron and Sharon and Ken and Jen. We will have to befriend them immediately. Any more?

I was thinking about elementary school yesterday and I remembered this story. First a little background: Like a lot of people, I learned to read at an early age. I'm not sure how early. My mom says I used to read to her all the time, but she thought I had just memorized my books. Then my brother brought home his reading book and I started reading it to her, so she figured out that I could really read. I would've been about 3 then.

When I got to kindergarten, they discovered I could read "Cinderella", which was apparently quite the accomplishment. I then had to take a whole bunch of tests to figure out my reading level. It turned out that the school wanted to skip me up a grade. In one of the best decisions she ever made, my mom said no. My birthday is in September, so I was only 4 when I started school. My mom felt it would be really hard for me to be so far behind, physically and emotionally, the rest of the class. I think she was right, and I'm glad she didn't do it. I guess I was only so-so on math and stuff, but reading was my strong suit.

So they school's compromise was to have me jump up a grade for reading group only. In kindergarten, when everyone else was taking a nap, I would go upstairs to Mrs. Clary's room and do reading group. After, I came back downstairs and put on my coat to go home.

So, here are a few anecdotes from my early school years, just to prove that I've always been a big geek.

For those of you who don't know, Iowa Tests are some sort of standardized testing for elementary school students. In my school, you took them every year from 2nd grade through 6th grade. When I was in 1st grade, they wanted me to take the tests with the second graders. I had never taken a standardized test before, so my teacher showed me how to fill in the bubbles on the Scantron. When test day came, I took my sharpened number two pencils and my eraser, and when the teacher said to begin, I did. I filled out the first answer and waited for the teacher to tell us to keep going. I couldn't figure out why everyone else was taking so long! Finally, the teacher said to stop working on that SECTION and move on to the next. And there was NO going back and finishing the first section. So instead of filling out 20 or so answers, I had only done the first one. I was so upset that I had messed up, especially after they had given me special instruction and everything. I was sure that my teacher was going to tell my principal, and my principal was going to tell the superintendent, all the way up the line until Jimmy Carter (then President) found out. And then Jimmy Carter would have to spank me. I have no idea where I got this crazy notion. First of all, my parents didn't even spank me. Second of all, I don't know why I thought Jimmy Carter would care that I screwed up my Iowa Tests. So, I guess I was a little uptight.

Another time, in kindergarten, our teacher had brought in a bunch of old costume jewelry for us to use during play time. I took one necklace that I thought was the prettiest, and pretended I was Wonder Woman. I would put on my necklace and spin around and fight crime just like Lynda Carter. Suddenly, it was time for me to go to reading group upstairs! I rushed out the door and got halfway up the stairs before I realized that I still had the necklace on! I tried to tuck it into my shirt, but it was really obvious. If I went back into my classroom to put it back, I was afraid my teacher would think I was trying to steal it. So I took it off and stuck it into a corner of the stairs, planning to pick it up on my way down. As I'm sure you can imagine, on my way back it was no longer there. I still feel guilty about that. I was sure I was going to get arrested and thrown in jail, and my teacher wouldn't love me anymore.

Also, in 1st grade I used to sit next to a girl named Betty Redman. Betty, if you're out there, you know this story is true. She used to copy all my spelling and math quizzes, and it drove me crazy. I attempted the tried-and-true building a giant wall out of books scheme, but it didn't work. Finally, I filled in all the wrong answers. Then, when Betty took her quiz up to hand it in, I erased all my answers and wrote in the right ones. It was a harsh lesson, but Betty had to learn it some time. That was probably the beginning of me being classified as a smart nerd, and people copying off me. In 7th grade, a guy in my class copied my IQ test! And another guy copied me on the PSATs. I remember he walked into the room and made a big point of sitting next to me. I thought he just liked me or something (ha ha). Then he almost got a National Merit Scholarship. Oops.

Well, now you all think I'm a big dork (if you didn't already). If you're good, I'll tell you about how my senior prom date is on trial for murder. No, I'm not kidding. He really is. Stay tuned...

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